Monday, September 14, 2009

MARRIAGE - Is it necessary?

Amidst the green campus of my college, on the first floor of the spacious and illuminated Himalaya ( non IITians, don't be baffled. Himalaya is a mess), we bunch of 2nd wing Jamuna  guys were sitting cross legged, chatting trivia while savoring our delicious luncheon. 


As with all other teenage conversations, it started with girls.
.... how today's girls are looking so bad.
.... gone were the days when every girl was a Marilyn Monroe or an Aishwarya Rai
.... how the female resources are drying up in IIT
.... what active measures we can take, to improve the deteriorating condition
.... shall we put 50% reservation for girls  


...."Hey what's her name? A****a, she looks awesome da..."

Me:  "She, duh. Pumpkin head on grandfather's stick. Size -1. Perfect match for you, though."


...."Yeah, and your girl.. that one you always talk to. Female 'appu'. Didn't know she was sitting beside me until the professor called her name in today's class. Thought someone left a bag beside me."

...."Don't worry Sasi. We will come to your marriage. We will call Amitabh and Jaya Bachan as special guests."


Me: "Hey, she ain't my girl, man. Keep some respect for me da. Vaise bhi, I ain't into this marriage shit. I am a born footloose."

...."Does that mean you are a celibate? Total abstinence from sexual desires. (thinks)..ok...oh no...oh shit. Don't tell me that you are ....."

Me: " Shut up, da. Footloose doesn't mean celibacy. It means free to do whatever you want. Not bound by any bonds and relations like husband-wife or something. And actually, if you really love a girl, you don't have to marry her. You can just live together. Why do you have to have a thing like marriage, if you know you love each other. The fact that you are forcing yourself to marry each other means that you are insecure about your love. And I am not an insecure guy, so I won't marry.( You probably have understood by now, that I was putting pseud. If my parents were ever to read this thing, they will immediately kick me out of the home. I am probably one of those parent obedient guys, who wants to taste so many delicacies in life, but in the end succumbs to his parents wishes, and gets sticked to one pheeka pakwan )


...." Oh, so marriage for you is a feeling of insecurity. I can say the opposite with same meaning. If you love each other, and want to spend the rest of the life together, then what's the big deal in getting married. Why are you opposing to be married. After all marriage is just an assurance of your love to your spouse. The fact that you are opposing it, itself means that you don't want to get into a bond with her, that you are insecure about your love."


Me: " You are not understanding. I am talking of a situation where me and my lover are assured of each others love. We are the goddamn Romeo and Juliet in the whole world for christ sake. You don't have to marry to express the depth of your love. We want to live together and we decided that we don't like the marriage. After all what is marriage. Just a social ritual. Ain't it? And we don't like that. We don't like every other person in the town, coming to our house, eating our pockets like a glutton. We don't have to show our relationship to the outer world. Hell, we don't WANT to show it ( plz don't take the double meaning) .Why should we?"


...."Don't you see, that's the point. Why don't you want to show it? ( oh my god. Plz don't take it otherwise ) That means that some where down the line, deep inside, you are unsure of your relationship. And that much is enough to break your relationship apart. May be, not immediately, but after sometime you will start to fight with each other and then you will leave each other. But if you two are married, you are bound by a bond. The whole society is witness of that bond. And that bond will keep you together in difficult times."


Me: "OK. You are saying that, it is not our mutual love that will keep us together but it is the fear of the society, or fear of the marriage. That means, we are not happy together, we don't love each other anymore,  but are continuing our relationship because of the fear of some meaningless ceremony that took place years ago."

The GEEK: " Wait a minute. I don't know about society. But marriage is essential from the perspective of the law. It is the only proof of the existence of relationship between you and your spouse. Every other relationship is blood related, so it can be traced back with modern day technologies like DNA sampling, gene characteristics, DNA fingerprinting, Face structural analysis, Family hierarchical tree node representative analysis..."


...."Shut up da... Cant you stick to the subject. But Sasi, he's got a point. Suppose if you die suddenly, without writing your will, then how will your lover prove that she was in relationship with you. How can she tell the world she is the rightful owner of your property."


...."Yes, that's right. You don't like all the fuss that goes on in a marriage, fine. At least, you shouldn't have any objection to do a register marriage in some obsolete government office."


Me: " The problem is not just the way marriage is carried out. It is the basic idea of marriage itself. Ok, suppose I am married to a girl, not because I love her, but because my hair is getting gray or my parents are getting barmy. After few years, I may find a person whom I love. I am not happy with my marriage. I recognize that we are two different poles of magnet or something and were never supposed to live with each other. But my wife is not ready to give me divorce. What is my situation now? I am stuck with a girl, who I don't love, for my whole life. If I were not married, I could leave my spouse, even if she disagreed with the breakup. But because I am married, I am bound by the law, and every decision about my life which directly or indirectly affects our marriage has to be taken by our mutual consent."


...."And suppose if there were not a thing like marriage, you can easily cajole any girl with your charms or whatever, f**k her and then betray her by just leaving her. Now, who is responsible for her ruined life. If you were married to her, you are responsible to her, and if you leave, the law will hunt you down. In married life, there come many points where you will want to leave your spouse, because of some small small fights. If there were not a thing like marriage, I assure you no relationship would have existed more than a year. "


Me: "Ok, mere baap. Galti hogayi. Maaf kar do. Now you are talking all this nonsense, but we will see who is the one with weeping face, when you get married."



3 comments:

  1. why marriage ...? everyone has a reason to marry. Do it without marriage!! ye sochana padta hai>>

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  2. very contoversial topic mama.. u can argue properly both the ways, but i think it is better that a society has married couples rather that unmarried ones who are shifting parties once in a while!

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